I’ve launched a blog for Real Simple (the magazine) on its Web site. The forum is called ”Simply Stated” and is loaded with righteous ways to make life a little sweeter. You can check out my latest post — “The Upside of the Winter Blues” — here. (The post explains, in part, why I haven’t been writing here for a week.)

In the meantime, I’ve received several interesting emails about the latest Yahoo!Finance column, “The Myth of the $18,000 Wedding.” That story talks about how biased numbers (i.e., “the average wedding costs $18,000″) can influence our decision-making. The brain latches on to so-called “anchors” and we can end up basing spending norms on arbitrary figures. It’s not that I’m philosophically opposed to big weddings, just random anchors. My husband and I hosted 150 people — primarily relatives, as we both come from large families – in a ballroom in New York City, and it was definitely an affair to remember.  We paid for it ourselves and found lots of ways to budget (see this post for ideas) and didn’t run up debt that haunted us after the honeymoon. I think that’s hugely important for couples starting their lives together.

Here’s a comment I received by email from a reader named Tamara, arguing that sometimes you just have to spend the dough:

My husband and I married in 2007. In total we spent a combined $15,000. Over 4 months Our original idea was to have a simple ceremony at our church attended by immediate family. We did (the budget) and the costs were around $2,000 for everything.

But my mother couldn’t handle it. She wanted a big party. This was, for her, a “keeping up” with my cousins’ who had each had very lavish affairs. After a few discussions and near tears, we agreed to split a formal reception with dinner, cake, and dancing costs 50-50 up to $5000 each. Thankfully we came in under budget.

That covers $8,000. The other $7,000 was consumed in travel costs and our honeymoon. Why? My husband and I got married in Illinois at Thanksgiving. Our reception was held in Arizona, where the majority of family lives, just after Christmas. My bridal shower, also held in Arizona, was in October. We went on our honeymoon, a wonderful cruise, in January 2008.

Why spend all of that money on a wedding? Because it was so much more than just one day. It was 3 separate weeks with family during the holidays. It was a unique experience seeing the Caribbean and learning that I don’t have sea legs. It was the end of one life and the beginning of another and we got to spread it out over 4 months. Would we have more money 40 years from now had we not spent then but invested? Absolutely yes.

But we would not have so many memories to fill our hearts with. My grandparents are already gone. Time passes and things change. And sometimes spending a large amount of money is the right thing to do.

What’s the best money you ever spent — that led to enduring happiness and/or priceless memories? Comment here or email me at laura at laurarowley dot com.

CreditCards.com is hosting a live, interactive town hall discussion of the Credit CARD Act  with Austan Goolsbee, member of the President’s Council of Economic Advisers, on Monday, February 22, at 12pm EST. (Viewers can submit questions by logging on here.)

That’s the date that the second phase of the law goes into effect. The new Credit CARD Act will save American consumers billions of dollars by banning unfair or deceptive practices, according to research from the Pew Safe Credit Cards Project. U.S. consumers were laying out $10 billion a year as a result of just two of these practices – retroactive rate increases and “hair-trigger” penalty interest rates (such as late fees that apply immediately on the due date).

The median penalty fee for late payments is $39 and the median penalty annual percentage rate is 28.99 percent, Pew research shows. A cardholder with a balance of $3,000 faces a minimum monthly payment of about $69. However, if the consumer falls into penalty status they will experience the combined effect of increased interest rates and fees, which may raise the minimum payment by 104 percent to $141. (For more on the math, see this site.)

The Act is being implemented in three phases. The first part of the law took effect last summer, and the second phase begins on February 22. The final stage will be enacted in August when the Federal Reserve issues its final rules on “reasonable and proportional” penalty fees and charges.

In 2009, the law gave cardholders the right to 45 days advance notice of any interest rate increase or other significant change, and the right to close the account if they do not agree to certain changes in terms. Here’s a quick overview of the major provisions of the Act that go into effect next week:

-New application of payment rules will reduce interest charges for anyone who pays more than the minimum payment.

-Issuers can no longer raise rates on existing balances with few exceptions (such as when an account becomes 60 days past due).

-Cardholders charged a penalty APR will be able to return to the regular, non-penalty rate by making the first six months of payments on-time after the penalty is imposed.

-Due dates must be the same day every month.

-Card issuers cannot charge more than 25 percent of the available credit in up-front fees on subprime cards. This restriction does not include penalty fees.

-Monthly statements must be mailed 21 days before a payment is due.

-Applicants under age 21 must have a co-signer or provide proof of ability to repay before they can be issued a card.

As for the third phase of the law, Pew wants the Federal Reserve to limit the size of penalties relative to the amount past due; limit how high penalty interest rates can climb and how long they can apply; and stop “hair trigger” late fees and eliminate overlimit fees entirely. The group argues that Americans are being charged excessive penalties for exceeding their credit limits by just a dollar, or for missing a payment deadline by a few hours.

The Credit Card Act goes into effect on Feb. 22. Ahead of that, a few reader questions on credit that I answered the other day on ABC News Now:

Q: My son is 18 years old and I would like him to start building his credit. Since I am not entirely trusting of how responsible he will be with a credit card, I thought of just adding him to my account as an authorized user without his knowledge. That way I can help him build credit without being paranoid that he’ll mess up mine as well as his. Is this a good idea?

A: It actually doesn’t make a difference now: Under the new Credit Card Bill of Rights Act, people under age 21 can’t get a credit card unless a parent or other adult co-signs the account and accepts responsibility for the debt if the card holder defaults. If you’re looking for a credit card that allows you to monitor your son’s activity on a regular basis, look for a card such as Visa Buxx and Allow MasterCard. They have a lot more nuisance fees attached to them than typical credit cards, but they also have automated controls. So a parent can login online and limit the amount spent per week, the amount spent at one particular store, and so on. For instance, a parent can load $100 at the beginning of the month and limit the spending to $25 a week. It might be worthwhile to start with that kind of card and then when the child demonstrates understanding and responsibility, move on to a regular card with fewer fees.

Q: I have a mortgage, a frozen home equity line, and credit cards.  I would like to consolidate the cards but don’t know which lender to trust. My husband works full-time, I work from home and care for our two boys.  We have high property taxes I am struggling to make ends meet. Late fees and finance charges are killing us financially.  PLEASE HELP!

A: There’s no reason you should be getting killed by late fees unless you can’t even afford the minimum payment on your cards – and if that’s the case, you need to contact the National Foundation for Credit Counseling immediately. Go to the Web site nfcc.org to find a local office near you. They can provide advice on the best way to deal with all of your debts. Consolidation will hurt your credit score, but debt elimination is more important to your financial and emotional health.

If you have a money question, email me at laura at laura rowley dot com.

I’ll be on ABC News Now’s program “Good Money” talking about ways to get more value out of your everyday purchases, as well as answering viewer questions. Hope you’ll tune in.

The comments function is fixed on the site (hooray!) and watch for more exciting upgrades in the next few days. If you don’t feel like registering you can always send me your comments at laura at laurarowley dot com. Today I thought I’d feature an email I got from a reader responding to the Kerrigan Family post I did the other day. This email made me sad, and made me think hard about what I do to instill in my kids a sense of cooperation, fairness and respect for each other. Here’s the email:

I never had any kids, but I do have a “black sheep” older brother who called me up out of the blue and demanded a loan. I said I’d think about it. He needed to know right away. I said I’d think about it. That was the beginning of a multiyear silence. This wasn’t the first time he’d asked for or just taken something of mine, just the first time it happened when we were both adults and I had the courage to say no. I aways wanted a brother I could trust, but I guess that just wasn’t to be.

Neither option (saying no or donating to his cause and setting myself up for the next demand) was a pleasant choice but the least painful/harmful was saying no. You cannot avoid pain in this situation — your decision making should be based on what is the best response for the long term.

Responsible people think of loans as a commitment. My brother thinks of the word “loan” as something you say to trick someone into giving you a windfall. I wonder how much life experience with your child you have to ignore to get into a situation where you have known them for 45 years and you are suing them in court to get your money back. How trustworthy were they when they were 35 years younger, with smaller amounts and smaller commitments? Did they follow through on their commitments then? Show any genuine remorse at failing to meet obligations?

Between the parents – who is in favor of extending the loan and who is not? Were both the mother and father OK with granting the loan or just one of them and the other acquiescing to buy temporary peace? What would the cost of a showdown on this issue between the parents be? There is a continuum of responses to the request for a “loan” that they may have considered:
- saying no
- being honest about what the request is for, a gift, not a loan – after all,
he’s been their son for 45 years and if anyone should know their borrower,
it would be the parents – did love blind them to 45 years of experience?
- saying yes once, and indicating that this is a one-off, and that you
expect prompt payment and no more such requests
- saying yes once and getting a commitment in writing, i.e. “I promise to pay so much to so and so on such a date.” so you can enforce it in court
- saying yes without conditions, without a schedule for repayment, without a plan for repayment, and without limits to your future generosity.

From Shakespeare’s Hamlet, 1603:

LORD POLONIUS:
Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.

I like to include reader questions that I receive by email on the blog, because others may be experiencing similar dilemmas. Here’s a question from Cynthia, on my Yahoo!Finance column ”Credit Card Chaos,” about changing credit card rules: 

Q: I have recently been hit with the notices saying that my interest rates will increase effective a certain date. I have made it my New Year’s Resolution to stop paying interest as soon as possible.  They doubled my interest rates with a 45-day notice.  Even with the option of opt out by closing my account, I did not want to risk it looking bad on my credit report. I have a great FICO score and have not been late on a payment since I turned 18. I would like to consolidate my credit cards into a low interest payment that is preferably not another credit card.  I also do not want any type of settlement account if it will stain my credit report.  Do you have any suggestions on where to begin my search?

A: Hey Cynthia: You need to open a new account as soon as possible with a lower interest rate and transfer the balance to the new card, then opt to close the old one – do it before the interest rate changes. (Watch out for balance-transfer fees.) You won’t lose the credit history on the closed account – but obviously you’ll lose the available line of credit. How does this affect your credit score? It impacts your utilization ratio (ie, how much credit you use of the open credit you have available). That could ding your score, but not seriously. As soon as you get the other account up and running you should be fine, especially if you are diligently paying down the balance.

If you feel you have too much credit card debt and are thinking about consolidation, contact the National Foundation for Credit Counseling – check out nfcc.org for a branch near you. They can provide advice on the best way to deal with your debts. Yes, consolidation will hurt your credit score, but debt elimination is more important to your overall financial health. If you become debt-free and pay off your obligations in full and on time every month, your score will improve over time.

Happy Thursday! I love Thursdays for a lot of reasons: I enjoy teaching my class at Seton Hall, it feels like I’m sliding into the weekend home plate, and they serve pizza at school so I don’t have to make my kids’ lunches. One less rush in the morning rush.

I have something totally funky going on with the comments function on this blog. Rest assured, experts who understand this stuff are looking into it. In the meantime, I’m receiving some really thoughtful comments and questions from readers by email, so I thought I’d give them their own post. Sorry about the comments thing – while we fix it, you can send your feedback directly to me at laura at laurarowley dot com. 

From Ruth, on the “Move Your Money Campaign” post: My husband and I have been moving our money out of big banks since 2007.  Before we married we had accounts with Wachovia, BofA, and Umbrella. The BofA account went first due to lack of local ATMs and bank locations. Then we learned that Wachovia was being taken over by Wells Fargo. We each had Wells Fargo accounts during college and the bank was extremely unhelpful with a tendency to place fees on anything. We closed that account immediately. As for Umbrella, its brick and mortar bank failed recently and was taken over by the FDIC.  So now we are in the process of closing that account.

All of this money has been transferred into a Morton Community Bank account. The bank has limited branch offices, just one per city generally, but offers 2% on checking with full reimbursement of any ATM fees. The online banking isn’t as slick as BofA, but it works and there is always a person on the other end of the line if you have trouble (like locking yourself out of your account). The bank appears to be thriving as it has expanded recently by acquiring other local FDIC closed banks.

We also have an account at the local credit union because it offered a great interest rate on refinances. We lowered our monthly payment by $700. That savings made moving our mortgage from Countrywide well worth while.

Nothing in our world should ever be “too big to fail.”  If something has grown so large that it threatens the existence of itself and/or others, then it is time to cut it down for survival reasons.  We all know what happened to the dinosaurs when their environment changed. The big banks are dinosaurs and our economic environment is changing. We’re better off not allowing them to take our money with them.  Regulation would be the best thing for the banks, but I doubt that it will happen. Congress likes to keep those individuals who have the majority of “cash on hand” happy.

Hey Ruth: Thanks for the comment. I moved my checking account too, from a national bank to a local one that pays 3.26% interest on checking and reimburses ATM fees if you jump through some hoops (10 debits, direct deposits, statements by email, etc.) I had the same experience — the online banking is functional but definitely not as slick as the big banks — but I am always able to get a real person on the phone to help. Enjoy the interest!

From Joe, on the post “Do Rich People Get the Money & Happiness Connection?“: I read with interest your column on whether or not rich people get the money and happiness connection.  I’m not sure they can.  Of late I’ve given quite a bit of thought to what will define happiness for me, next in my life.  I tend to think of things I would like to do, things that I enjoy and also how I will earn a living.  Like many others I’ve tried to figure out if I can make the two align.  It wasn’t until I read your blog today that I was reminded that money doesn’t have to be the key part of that equation.

I was child number 6 of 7 and grew up in very modest surroundings.  In retrospect we didn’t have much, but most of the people around us didn’t, so I wasn’t that aware of it until I went to school.  I have early memories of not being able to afford to do the things other kids were doing as early as fourth of fifth grade.  By high school I was keenly aware of it.  I took out loans to go to a private college where the income gap was even more noticeable.  I always worked.  But I had an awful lot of fun and made some of the best friends in my life there.

I’ve been very fortunate and now earn a comfortable living.  I don’t consider myself rich and still don’t indulge in many of the luxuries my peers do.  But somewhere along the line making money became very important to me and perhaps more an end in itself than I’d like to admit.  Perhaps I’ve started to see living a lifestyle as synonymous with my happiness, even though I have life experience to tell me it isn”t so.

Anyway, I’ve rambled on for a few paragraphs here and am not sure I’ve arrived at a point.  Just wanted to drop a note to say thanks for your post, it’s given me food for thought.

Hey Joe:  I have definitely found myself focused more on making money as I get older if only because it can be so helpful in facilitating goals like nurturing your kids (i.e., saving for college). The problem is if I think too much about money, I start to do things like take on too much work so I can save more for college — which ultimately results in my spending less time with my kids (and violates the underlying value I was trying to achieve, which was nurturing my kids).  I have to occasionally step back and think about my larger intentions in my work, and make sure they still align with my values and the sense of purpose for my life.  Thanks for your note. I appreciate your perspective.

I want to give a plug this morning to a charity that I support: The Central Asian Institute, which builds schools, mainly for girls, in remote regions of Pakistan and Afghanistan. You may have heard of its founder, Greg Mortenson, whose story is told in the best-selling book Three Cups of Tea.

Today in Pakistan, the Taliban blew up a roadside bomb in front of a girls’ school, rebuilt with American assistance, that was reportedly holding re-opening ceremonies. Among the dead: At least three children, a Pakistani soldier and three American soldiers who were in Pakistan to train security forces. More than 50 people were wounded, many of them school children. (A spokesperson for the Taliban took responsibility for the bombing, according to news reports.)

Schools have been a particular target of the Taliban militants, who don’t want girls to be educated. The BBC reports that more than 72 schools have been bombed out or burned down by militants in Lower Dir district during the past two years, according to local Pakistani administrators. The target school in this bombing was previously blown up in January 2009.

Girls who receive an education are uniquely positioned to help their families and communities  in the developing world.  As a mother of three girls, it sickens me to think of these warped Taliban militants devoting their energies to diminishing,  impoverishing and killing children. 

Help the parents of Pakistan defend their daughters against the Taliban’s war on girls.  For CAI to build or improve a school, it requires an invitation from the local community and its leaders, who form committees to guide a school to its completion. For $20 you can provide a student with school supplies for a year; for $600 a teacher’s annual salary. Click here to donate to the Central Asian Institute.

In 2002, the Census Bureau came out with a research report titled “The Big Payoff.” I quoted the study in my book and have cited it in stories about the financial benefits of a college degree. “The Big Payoff” estimated that the average high-school graduate earns $25,900 a year, and the average college graduate earns $45,400, based on 1999 data. The difference between the two figures is $19,500; multiply it by 40 years, as the Census Bureau did, and the result is $780,000. The College Board cites the value of a college degree at $800,000 over a lifetime on its Web site.

In a story by Mary Pilon in today’s Wall Street Journal, Mark Schneider, a vice president of the non-profit American Institutes for Research, calls it “a million-dollar misunderstanding.”

Schneider notes that the Census estimates don’t factor in student debt — which has mushroomed in the last decade (see my story on it here.) The numbers also do not account for deductions from income taxes or breaks in employment. Moreover, they don’t consider the fact that the cost of college tuition is racing well ahead of the rate of inflation. The income data used for the Census estimates is from 1999, when total expenses for tuition and fees at the average four-year private college were $15,518 per year. For the 2009-10 school year, that number has risen to $26,273.

I’m still convinced college is essential to long-term employment prospects — and is an important experience on many levels. But I’m seeing more parents get creative about how they manage the costs. They include having their kids obtain college credits in high school through AP and online courses; attending junior college for two years before transferring to a university; looking for work-study opportunities; or living at home while attending school.

My husband and I started saving for college with the birth of our first child in 1997. But there’s frankly no way of knowing if we’ll be able to foot the entire bill. (I know for certain that our average annual investment returns aren’t keeping up with the annual growth in costs, which means we have to save more.) I’m all for creative solutions (and crossing fingers: My 10-year-old is 5-foot-4 and loves basketball — maybe she can get a scholarship like her dad.)

The NPR program “All Things Considered” today featured the Web site Yourenew.com, which offers cash for old electronics. It appears simple: You search for your old device on the site (ideally by model number); answer a few questions about its condition and accessories you have; and click “Add to Recycle Bin” to check out.  Enter your email and the company sends you a pre-paid shipping label and you might qualify for a free box. You can get paid by check or Paypal.

A nice perk to using the site: Consumers who do transactions get to choose a green cause that YouRenew.com will donate money to – either domestic renewable energy production or reforestation efforts. Recycle a phone, plant a tree.

Alternately, consider donating your old device to Cellphonesforsoldiers.com, which trades your donated cell phone to the company ReCellular for a one-hour prepaid calling cards — so troops overseas can contact their families for free.